Friday, April 15, 2005

Whisky and Only Me

I am finding that alot of my friends are alot more elusive than they used to be. Finished a whole bottle of whisky by myself this week. No one to drink it with. Had one date this week that bombed. She made me order the food at Casino and go pick it up at the window without offering to help. Sorry princess, I don't play that way. She then proceeded to cross herself and say a brief prayer before she ate. Houston we have a disaster. We chatted for about 4 hours and I didn't lose interest, but I think that might be because I never had alot to begin with. She was a bigger girl than I was prepared for. I won the burger duel! Casino reigns supreme! I really miss that female presence in my life and as my boy Ivan says, "You need to get laid boy. You'll feel beter after that." I love ya Ivan but it ain't as easy for me. I am also enjoying those moments where I do everything I please without fear of judgement in my own apt. I am developing myself more and more and defining more of who I am. At the same time I wonder if not having someone really close to me might be keeping me from opening my mind to new things. I think Sean Connery said it best in 'Playing By Heart'. "I needed to be reminded of why you loved me. In a sense, I needed to fall in love with myself again, so that I could love you more." I'm just starting to feel isolated and like a secondary though fro most of my friends. Hey guys...I miss you...I'm still here. Of course, now that I've written this, I'm sure I'll be feeling differently in about a week. I still love staying up till 3 a.m. with a glass of whisky, a joint, and a Marx Bros. flick on my own.