can't sleep, things swirl, the start of Tyler(?)

So, I tried to lay down just down just now but no dice. Can't sleep. Which isn't surprising. Lately 4 out of 7 nites I have to put myself down to go to bed. Too much energy. I can't believe I have this sort of issue. I was trying to sleep just now. Things started swirling. I started thinking about Ashley, the last woman to share my bed, and how I ran into her just before a blind date recently. She and I connected for about a week and then I got a brush off. Regardless of the reasons why the main reason is I liked her and when I like 'em they vanish. I was walking out of Dell on Friday and I smelled a scent that was pure Michelle, back when we first started living together. That was so bittersweet. I really miss connecting with someone on a different level that involves intimacy. Granted, I love sex and seem to do rather well at it, but I'm talking about the afterglow. The everything that comes with it. Waking up in bed together, someone who gives you random hugs, grabs my ass in public, argues with me when I'm wrong, makes me want to improve myself to look better in their eyes. It always seems to follow with pain when I find it but at some point it won't and that's where I stop. To quote Fiona Apple on this one, "This is not about love. Cause I am not in love. As a matter of fact I can't keep from falling out. I miss that stupid ache." I love intimacy but shy from the initial stages due to fear of rejection. I wish I was more confident but most of my friends will attest that I am far better than when they first met me. I'm a late bloomer, like my pal Charlie says. I keep thinking about Ashley and how much we clicked and how sweet things seemed for that week. I want that back but I fall flat on my face every direction I turn. I get propositioned by those I'm uninterested in. I say I want to get "Laid" but I don't want a one nite thing. I'm looking for a steady that can make me feel that stupid ache, again. I'm getting ready to make some big bucks a Dell, I'm getting a new car, I love my Apt, but in the end the only thing that really makes me feel whole is that human connection. Because I'm co-dependant at heart and nothing will ever change that about me. I can camouflage it with anime, movies, graphic novels, alcohol, and weed. But... in the end I still just want someone to hold me and tell me I'm worth it. Sad or not. That is what is sitting at the bottom of Cameron, folks. Happy, bitter, excited, pensive, argumentative...It all boils down to : Cameron is waiting for someone. and waiting . . .

Plugged in again.

So. I'm live and online again. I didn't think it would change my behavior that much but ther shiny newness is dazzeling my eyes. I haven't had my own computer or internet connection in about 2 years. So I have lost touch with about everuything on the net. Like; what people use to download things, what chat programs are being used, who's hot or not, and all of my profiles are pretty out of date. I'm tring to start getting outside and around town lake again. I won a computer and an Mp3 player form Dell. Can't say they never did me right working for them. I'd like to go check out some shows again down town and inject a bit of spontinaety[sp] back into my life. Some one drag me out side from time to time please. Too many series, books, comics, and movies to consume and I want them all at once. I still want to go drunken' Putt-Putting soon.

Whisky and Only Me

I am finding that alot of my friends are alot more elusive than they used to be. Finished a whole bottle of whisky by myself this week. No one to drink it with. Had one date this week that bombed. She made me order the food at Casino and go pick it up at the window without offering to help. Sorry princess, I don't play that way. She then proceeded to cross herself and say a brief prayer before she ate. Houston we have a disaster. We chatted for about 4 hours and I didn't lose interest, but I think that might be because I never had alot to begin with. She was a bigger girl than I was prepared for. I won the burger duel! Casino reigns supreme! I really miss that female presence in my life and as my boy Ivan says, "You need to get laid boy. You'll feel beter after that." I love ya Ivan but it ain't as easy for me. I am also enjoying those moments where I do everything I please without fear of judgement in my own apt. I am developing myself more and more and defining more of who I am. At the same time I wonder if not having someone really close to me might be keeping me from opening my mind to new things. I think Sean Connery said it best in 'Playing By Heart'. "I needed to be reminded of why you loved me. In a sense, I needed to fall in love with myself again, so that I could love you more." I'm just starting to feel isolated and like a secondary though fro most of my friends. Hey guys...I miss you...I'm still here. Of course, now that I've written this, I'm sure I'll be feeling differently in about a week. I still love staying up till 3 a.m. with a glass of whisky, a joint, and a Marx Bros. flick on my own.

Lilies of fatigue

Sweet Jumpin' Jesus on a Pogo stick I'm tired. I am working three jobs this week and on Mon. and Tue. I was working them all on the same day which was hecktick to say the least. I need to get more rest right now but some one has been staying over and I can't go to sleep so easly any more. Amplifier.com is an awesome job but it is only gonna last for another 2 weeks so I have to start applying at the capitol again. Damn It to hell!!! Right now I'm sitting at a computer in the apmlifier warehouse while they try and find something for me to do today. Maybe they will send me home so I can get some more sleep. Wish me luck. I'll report back when life allows me more energy. I worked my first night in over a year at Amy's last night and had fun with my boy Navi. He and I need to talk soon, though.

Connect Four! I win!

So I am officially leaving the fuck of an annoying job, ZEN, and returning to my first love in Austin! I am an Amy's Kid again! See me on the weekend nites at SoCo for some cream in the face! I got the job at and will start there on Friday. This is the part time job that will hopefully lead to a full time position come summer time. Played Drunken Putt-Putt with Macy, E, Max, and Honey Homicide(who was there to watch) last Friday. Man I got trashed and no one won because we played aggressive putt-putt like your mom gets aggressive with the cucumber. Going to Lyrics Borne and RJD2 tonight with Emily. Wonder if this could be called a date or we is just on the friendly side. She is a really friendly girl so I shall assume it is as friends until otherwise notified. She is a cool person either way. My brain is short circuiting lately. In ways that makes me act wierd in private. I get all Tourets-y and start yelling wierd stuff in the car and appartment. I would actually like to pop those out in public more often. My left nip is almost healed up and it is about time for my next tattoo. This will be the one of Texas. I really need a schlitz. Love ya Macy, thanks for reading these and making me feel ultra-cool/super fly. Now fuck off Jewcifer!

Fluffy Wrath!

I could start off by saying how sorry I am for blowing up Cuba yesterday but I think that goes without saying. I mean was anyone really using Cuba? I mean really. If one more person asks me to blow something up with my new found "Explodie Powers" I think I'll blow up Paraguay next. Then I'll move on to anything starting with the letter 't'. That will take a while but I'm prepared for the fame. I had to kill my co-worker Colin last night after we had a badass shift on First Thurs. @ Zen. Amy's SoCo Manager Sara is going to ask me back to Amy's next week and I will be the coolest guy ever again. I can't wait to get back to the boards. With that and Zen I should be able to make ends meet a lot better till I get a better part time job and drop Zen. People are walking down the aisle to get diplomas today and I'm only 9 hours away from completing my goal as well. I'll cross my testies and hope for the best. I will be playing drunken Putt-Putt this evening with a crew and I think this will be fun. If not I'll blow something else up that looks like Robert Logia. I can't wait for Lyrics Borne on Tue. Aye!

That isn't cheese!

SO I got a hair cut in effort to look a little prettier for Emily, the girl who is far too cute to be interested in me and may very well not be, and met her and her friend Bob at the Continental. Toni Price happens every Tues. there and I have worked on SoCo for 2 years and not been, so I went. After I fought off a swarm of killer bees with my mental powers and snagged a 1-up token at Zen I met them over there. Bob was really tall so instead of doing the normal thing of defensively ignoring him and only talking to Emily I went the other way and chatted with him first to be friendly. If he was to be the chapperone or judge of whether or not I was cool enough then I was going to take on the challenge. At some random point after break, where I pleasantly found out Emily smokes a-bit, they decided to try and get as drunk as Toni Price is and so, being the good sport that I am I joined in. Bob dropped out when he realized he was going to have to be "The Designated" for the evening while I kept the New castles coming and Emily ended up with about 5 jack and cokes. I was fine and ready to roll on after the show, which was a fun evening I might add, she said her goodbyes to me and said she was feeling a bit green. Bob took over as care-taker at that point and I strted to walk off when I noticed she was heading for the bushes instead of the car. I figured that I was out of the picture now and she wouldn't want me to see her puke anyway, so I walked on like I saw nothing. Bob was "Care-Taker 3000 The Man from the Future" at that point and they were better friends so I don't think it was rude of me to go on home. Met Max at Zen as he finished closing and we went back to my place to bounce on the trampolene I keep in my closet and smoke while watching "Lone Wolf and Cub". All and All I say a good evening and a sucessful second encounter with The Emily. Cute girl at Texadelphia told me her name yesterday, too. Haven't met a Sandra in a while if ever. Cute but she wears a cross and I am a vampire in that way. Ah well. I love the ladies but they only kinda-lika me.

Bull Pains

So if you see me hobbling around Austin this week then you have plenty of reason to laugh. Last Frday I went to Mex with my dad and after too many beers in one sitting we decided I needed to ride the Mechanical bull at the cowboy bar across the street. The place was half full and we ordered more drinks to be smart. I drank half of my beer before deciding it was my time. Got up there and remembered I needed to grip with my legs as well as my hand. I put in a good 15 second ride before the ride operator got pissed off at the skinny gringo and bucked me off. I waited to do my next ride for two reasons. One, I needed to let the rife operator forget about me for a bit or I wouldn't last 5 seconds the next time and two, because I needed another beer. 15 minutes go by and some LSU students help the bull operator to forget I can ride. I jump back on to a good ten seconds ride before I start getting tossed off to the side. But I wasn't done yet so I hung on to the side of the bull for 3-4 seconds before I right myself back on top. and clocked in another 8 seconds before slipping off the side again and pushing off horazontally. Well little did I know that I don't use my groin muscles that often and that I have damaged myself. I know have inflammed groin muscles and I fear I might have pulled both of them as the pain gets worse instead of better. I am almost limping now as is. Any one have any ideas on how to make it hurt less? Thanksgiving was good and I got to hang out with Atticus when I got back on Saturday and I really miss that kid. Back to school with a renewed vigor, I hope. Hope I don't have to amputate something because of my bull riding capabilities.

Flying over a pie

I sit here writing at almost 4 in the morning for a few reasons. One because I'm home and can't fall asleep in my o0wn room anymore because it isn't my room. Two, my flights home were delayed due to thunder storms and I spent 5 hours in the crappy houston airport. I won't dignify houston with capitol letters. I have too much cock on the brain from reading, only, "A Mind Of Its Own: The Cultural history of the penis". I'm not sure if the 5 hour wait was worth it for the spectacular view the first flight afforded me. I don't usually fly at night, nor do I do it on a an almost full moon. I took the time to record my thoughts in my sketch book for lack of a better option.

"So here I sit flying at 7pm from Austin to houston, later to Harlingen, as my plane does long drunken swerves around thunder storms. The sky looks like I'm flying over a giant marangue pie. (spent a bit contemplating the spelling of that in my head, but to no avail) Flashes of lightning make the sky twinkle like an X-mas tree they are so frequent. I gaze (yeah, I said gaze) out my window and see these billious clouds as they take on shapes of Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots and imagine a wonderful samurai battle that could occur here with the right director and cinematographer. Meanwhile, the woman beside me has pulled out here portable Polaroid DVD player for the specific reason of watching "9 Months", you know the Hugh Grant thing. Who actually watches that movie a second time? Who says, "I'll take along '9 Months' for the trip. Ooo...and 'A Walk in The Clouds' too."? She does! Every once in a while you see a steak of lightning arching across the sky below me playing leap frog with the clouds. I looved clouds as a kid and my first realization that the mystical and magical may not exist came from them. I was still in the single digits, age-wise, when an asshole pilot, without regard for a child's fantasies, flew through one. I always thought they were more solid than that, I watched 'Care Bears' for poop's sake! After that I did a paper on Houdini and read some books that explained his magic tricks and lost all belief in magic. To this day you should never sit next to me at a magic show because I'll ruin it for you. I still have my imagination in tact but no more magical/mystical beliefs for moi.. houston approaches and the clouds depart."

I slept through the encore lightning performance on the second flight. It was meeger. Home now and drinking my emergency flask of "Makers" already so that I can sleep. Wish I had a 'J' to celebrate 4:20am but instead I shall drink myself into a stupor or as far as my flask shall get me. See ya kids! Feliz Dia De Jajalote!

Blind in the Left Eye

So yesterday almost worked. Two friends got detained by work for an extra hour so they didn't make it to Dim Sum but Georgio did and he was fully appreciatory of the eating experience that he...experienced. The food was great as always, maybe even a bit better when you go with new people, and there was a new item that was good. A chicken pot pie with curried chicken in it. Oooo that was a goodun'! So not many people at Dim Sum but it was still delisssssiousss. Meanwhile, back at the lab, I went home to commence with my long day of sake and samurai movies. Started off with "Lone Wolf and Cub: Baby Cart To Hades" That was a winner and Ivan and Anna came over for the last hour of that and then left. Next was "Sakuya: Slayer of Demons" which had a lot of cool evil things and blue flames came out when they got cut, Woo! Dallas and his old ass friend came over and brought beer and I was all giggly until I wet myself...then I was sad. I was hitting that "I've been drinking for 4 hours" lull when, knock at the door, Alex, Sean, and Sky all appear. I fought I giant Gila Monster with a spoon and stuffed in my storage closet on my porch to play canasta with my Uncle Larry. Then, I layed down a personal favorite of mine, "Versus". This film has zombies, yakuza, Samurai, and some vampirism. Not only that but a sense of humor and great action directing. Kati showed up for the last half of that and hung out till one after everyone else left. Finished off the entire giant bottle sake mostly on my own but with some help from loyal friends. Kati says she will make me a Gir tool to clean out my bowl and that sounds pretty cool and I think she is keen, too, but I am confused as to why she has just 'started' kinda hanging out after only running into her a few times at clubs. She give good shoulder rubs though. Maybe I will get this job that I interviewed with @ amplifier.com That would be swell because I could get a career out of it I betcha.

Owch!Owch!Owch!

Owch! My left Tit is Mutilated! So this was by far the worst pain I've ever felt during a piercing. Last night I had my left nip re-pierced to match the right. God damn! I let the man talk me into getting it done with a 12 gage instead of the 14 I got last time. He had the clamps on my titty so tight I couldn't even get all hot over it. And to tell you the truth, I think there was some scar tissue to be delt with and that is why it went in good but didn't want to go out the otherside so easily. That was such a big damn needle. I almost Blacked out about 3 minutes after he did it from the stress release and the room got real hot from the realease of my body Heeeeat cuz I'm a furnace. I kinda hunchedbacked my way home before going out to a depressing nite of drinking alone again. Why do I punish myself But now I can say I had a Norwegian Man named Gurt savage my left titty for money! Also I am trying out Samurai Sundays to see if it works out. We'll see.

People are regular I'm unleaded

So, I'm broke right now which hasn't happened in over a year and a half. I have pretty much no money to live off of but I have a miracle known as a credit card that I haven't used in over a year with a nice bit of room on it. I pray that people tip more than usual at Zen so I can buy more smack to inject into my penis, as we all know that is why I'm broke. I went with a lovely lady to the Austin Museum of Art yesterday and it twern't that bad. Lost my car for a bit on the way back but we found it. I saw this exhibit on Ghosts that had a lot of lame staged photographs from when people went "Ooo...pretty." whenever they saw one. Hard to believe in that kind of gullibility now a days but hey you saw the prez race. There were about 5-6 pieces that I really dug in a way more than just the usual, "Oh hey. Would ya look at that. Hmm.." kind of way. There was this strange video in another exhibit from Vietam that was a video of these 6 guys dragging rickshaws under water. Seriously started on shore and made it to about 15-20 ft deep water by peddling and pulling. No real explanation why but they have a far better lung capacity than I. I talked with my friend about girls and she talked about guys and I realized that I'm ready to date some one that could be a girlfriend. It's about that time, maybe because it's winter and I crave the body beside me to warm up and cuddle on the couch on weekend mornings with a blanket and watching cartoons. Eh, I kinda decided that I'll date until I find one that I really dig that I'll settle down with for a bit. I miss the connection and self realization that comes with it. She is still just as crazy as I remembered and is doing the "I'm 22 and I can afford to screw up a bit" routine. Wish I had that option but I had the chance and became a stoner, amy's kid, alcoholic, school drop out, do nothing but watch movies kind of guy. I'll tell ya it took me a long time to get out of that once I went back to school. Slowly but surely I am getting back on my feet and this is a good thing. Watched "Cool As Ice" with my friend Max last night and I am still in awe, even after this being my second viewing, of how horrid this movie is. I mean this movie is probably one of the worst I have seen in a long time. Those that know me know that that is saying alot. So in summary: Don't talk about sex with cute girls you aren't dating (especially when you don't know when you'll get some again), pulling rickshaws under water is hard, ghosts aren't real and neither are mediums, watching people play video gams is boring as fuck.

Washer of the Doomed

So. I don't really hate working at on SoCo that much anymore but I'll tell you what I do hate and that is dishes. I wash them and wash them but theyt always get dirty again and I am forced to wash them yet again. Last night I was back washing dishes but with about half the normal amount as Ernesto, one of my favorite cooks, had done alot for me ahead of time. I entered into a dilemma once he put on some music in the kitchen to close the back with. Was it better to have all of the dishes to do and tell him to turn off the music or better to have half the dishes done and not be able to change the nightmare? I call it a nightmare because this cd was filled with every 'La Bouche', 'Ace of Base', 'Aqua', and any other band who did that horrible 90's crap on it. I hated washing dishes at the end of the night back in high school to this music that was on the radio, but now someone chose this to be on the cd player and my life has come full circle. Dear god in heaven if that music wasn't the most shallow, insipid, utterly purile crap I have ever heard! I had forgotten how bad it was. Even 80's music had more substance than most of these songs with chouruses consisting of "la dada deeda da da da" or "say heeeeey hooooooo! You say it! Heeeeey Hooooo!" What the fuck? So here I'm thinking this hase to be "MTV's Party To Go 6" from like '96 or '97 but lo and behold when he puls out the cd from the player(which was like having the dentist pull his foot out of your ass and stopping the drilling at the same time) the cd said "La Boom Party 2004"!!!!!! Jesus Christ, some one took the time to burn this cd and create a lable and they did it this year! I was in a state of complete mortifactation for the human race alomaost more so than after the election. Some one found these songs online, or worse already had them, and created this horrid mix cd. There is no God and this was proof. But I made 30 bucks in tips so my ears bled for a price. I went home and got kinda high and went to sleep.

Wax dat with a vengeance

I think my cat likes me again. She and I weren't spending enough time together but I have stayed home and studied lately so I think we are cool again. I went to Chevron last night for some gas only to wait in line for about eight minutes while they figured out credit machine problems. I did a little dance to keep from getting bored and got a high 5 from the register girl 'Jessica'. There are way to many people I know named Jessica right now. When I was a freshman everyone I met was named Stephanie. Whatever. The guy behind me in chevron looked like Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Blue jean shorts, a wife-beater, a silver chain with a cross, and severely balding. He was waiting in line behind me and I had to use all my will power not to stare at him. Me being pretty high in line helped but He was buying a bag of cheetos, only. Until he spotted his undiscovered bliss...a foot and 1/2 long slim jim processed beef stick. He snached that up with some extreme reverence, let me tell ya. The whole 8 minutes in line he is munching on his cheetos because he couldn't wait for that Chester cheetah glory, but every minute or so he would drop his bag and bend over to pick it up. All this was happening behind me but damn it was funny. Like he just couldn't handle carrying a bag of cheetos and a beef stick at the same time. I had a very hard time not cracking up as I pumped my gas only to see him walk across the parking lot and drop the bag once more for dramatic effect. I missed out on Rudy "Dolemite" Ray Moore because my professor's ranch is over an hour outside of Austin but it were a whole bunch of fun though. He gave every one extra points for kissing his livestock and took pictures of it. It's kinda of sick and If I see www.utstudentanimallove.com pop up on the net soon I want some royalties. Dad and Kelly came through on Sat. and we had a fairly good time and I got shit faced while they enjoyed the UT game at Fado's. Me,"keep the New Castles coming there on pops. Yeah some one threw a ball to some one. Woo." That is how much I love football. Like a live eel in my right eyesocket trying to type his mother's name on my cortex with a dull Sharpe. Need to do a mass of school stuff before wed. So pray for me. Need to go out on a date with some one soon or I'll wither up and turn into Ethel Merman. The word for the day is: Japanese Alice

Spooky-Day spent...

So I worked sunday morning after a long night of Partying at my good man Ivan's House and had an alright time. I then went home had a few beers and dressed up like a playing card for a bit. I had to do this for a class sketch @ 5 on a paddle boat on Town Lake. We were all doing Alice in Wonderland bits. It were fun until our boat hit the Congress Bridge. Yup, just floating along wishing the ship serven alcohol only to look over and see that the captain isn't driving any more and the bat narrator is casually talking about well....bats and we are drifting sideways towards the central bridge column. Wait, now the narrator has gone down stairs too and no one is driving the boat? Ok. Hey yeah we are definitly going to hit the bridge. Bang! Yup we did. Then, as it were only a spooky Seven o'clock I walked back to my place to drink more and find out where the parties are at? So I decide to watch a flick at wait till ten to leave my abode. I put on 'Lost in Translation' and found out what a great movie it is. I stopped the movie at an hour in to go on a whim to go get Sake and a couple of bowls of instand udon from Whole Foods. Got the sake but no udon soups per say...so I got to expensive chicken pot pies which are all natural of course but at 5 bucks a pop they better make me a complete person and psycho analyse my cat, too. Oh but wait! I need a pumpkin. By the way folks, I am so completely high at Whole Foods it is ridiculous. Like, I probably should have stayed at home for anothe hour to clear my head but dammit I'm a functional pot head! I have a brilliant Idea for a pumpkin and I haven't carved one this year. That'll be a Good Spooky-Day celebratory thing! Then, I'll go over to Space Dogg's House to chill. Yes, after the movie and the pumpkin...Spacey's place. No pumpkin! HEB: No pumpkin! Well folks, I decided to finish the movie and drink the sake and eat my pot pies. They were spookly-good pot pies but needed seasoning. Am I wrong or should $5 pot pies already taste great and not need me to grab a salt shaker? I got a spooky burnt tongue from the pot pies and drank a tokuri of sake befor realizing I had smoked two more joints. The movie finished I watched all the extras and then realized I had faded myself. I resigned to lay on the couch till someone called for me and asked for my presence and if not lull off into spooky sleepy land place thing. Max-Attax called cuz he were off of work now and I showed him ' Freddy VS. Jason' because I think it is a great horror film with a nice amount of cheeze mixed in. After that I played the Halloween episode of Invader Zim
for him and then had to really go to sleep as it was 2 in the morning. The rain kept Max on my couch since I don't want him riding his bike home in the heavy rains of spookiness. So he spookly crashed on my couch.

That was my Spooky-Day Celebration.

I think I was ok with that. My partying on Sat. in my Shaun-o-the Dead costume was enough to tide me over till next time.

!Si! ?Yo Soy Enrique?

So, I went to The Ritz
last night to relax after way too many hours in the computer lab yesterday. I was bored just drinking so I started playing pool on my own cuz it was free. After 3 games where I lost to my self severly, and won by a narrow margin, some people approached my table because they noiticed mine was free. They wanted to play too but I was just fuckin' around so I said ok but I suck tonite. They insisted on doubles but the people I were meeting weren't there yet so I said ok. I needed a partner and they picked one out for me. My partner turned out to be this drunken guy in his late twenties who had a hard time keeping his eyes at half mast. He walked up to me and said,"So, you're Enrique, huh?"..... Yeah he said this. I said," You got it, man. You ready to be down with the Enrique?" Not only did this guy play better than me in his state but he started calling me 'Strykah', too. So here I am playing pool with complete stranges loosing my ass and being called Enrique. We lost the first round miserablely so Our Drunken Boxer of a pool player orders he and I shots to get our courage and focus up. We won the last two games simply because the other team tippy tapped the eight ball into its home prematurely. All the while afore that talking shit about us. The worst part of it all was that I felt worse for the drunky who had me as a partner. My gal Erica showed up in time to help me ditcfh the game grab a slice of Hoek's and drink a few more pints over some badly played games of pool and air hockey before we parted ways. I got home @ 1:30, smoked a bowl, drank a 1/3 of a coke, put on the first episode of Red Dwarf, the BBC series, and passed out on my floor before it was over only to wake up at four and walk to bed. This whole going out on my own thing is getting to be more interesting. Tonight I will be meeting a new gal and going to the Ritz for $2 pint nite and getting a free Ritz shirt from my Gal Pal Jillian.

Burn Me Right there

So without my beard I feel like I've lost my compass in life. I wander around aimlessly through the desert wastelands of beardlessness until I come upon a wise old man who has an enormous and beautiful beard. He looks right through my soul because I have no beard to protect me and sees my inner beard. He tells me to let it out and be free. So I'm growing it out again until the next job interview. Be Kind Please Rewind. So I had a Casino Burger last night and loved every moment. It is like a pure hedonistic delight to sit there burning my mouth on a hot Buffalo Burger and explosivo chicken wings. A couple of New Castles later I am a complete person. It is a pleasure pain thing. If you haven't had a casino burger yet then please contact me for an outing as soon as possible.
Casino El Camino!

Sampson and the Capitol

So I have shaved off my beard once again but this time for a purpose. They don't hire people with facial hair at the Capitol! Bastards! Not only that but I am currently on my third day of sobriety so as to pass the drug test they probably won't give me on Tue. No Caffeine, No Alcohol, No Weed, Not even a cigarette to keep me company. So I am doing alright under the circumstances but damn it sucks to have a day off like yesterday and not get to enjoy my vices. Thank Omni that I don't get random drug tests there. Only the one time and then I am back. Well I want my beard back cause now I feel like I'm 18 again and I don't have any want to stay on the wagon of sobriety any more than I have to. Any of you who ever wondered what it is like to hang out with me while I'm sober should give me a call. It is a bit different when I can't sedate my self and repress all my energy. Hope you all have a good time with your sins. I'll be back soon.

Cock blocked out!

Well every one Cunt Face lived up to her name and kicked me off my 'myspace'. I changed my password so she would stop checking my mail and then she went ape shit and changed my email address log on so that I have no idea how to get on to my page then proceeded to delete it. Hope she feels better about herself. Oh well. It was fun while it lasted. I hope this person really finds this amusing as I know she will. Maybe next time I should be nicer to my friends. Oh wait I was and they dicked me without a word. Great! As tou can tell it took me almost 2 hours to recreate my page, including all my blogs. Oh well. Needless to say I won't be using a friend to build a site for me again. I am just sorry that we couldn't work things out but cunt and douchey refuse to talk to me. Sad.

CHEERS to all the good times we had you bastardsI will miss them!

testicils of hate!!!

Believe it or not folks but there are times when I really hate my testicles. I hardly ever hate my penis because it's not his fault I get horny. That blame belongs to the two guys in the hammock that keep egging him on. I went to the DJ Krush show last night(for those that don't know he is an awesome Japanese hip-hop dj) and I got really fed up with the two bastards. Here I am out on a night alone for the first time in months, trying to meet people and just enjoy the music. No one I knew was there so I allowed the music to take me a bit and I danced some. Those who know me have seen me dance little those who don't know me have seen me dance alot. But instead of me just simply enjoying the music and grooving for a couple of hours, I keep wondering if the girl dancing next to me keeps bumping into me on purpose or is she just caught up in her own blazing disco inferno? Also, are the two girls that moved in front of me during the break there because they wanted to step up closer to me or are they just doing the music thing too? What about that girl over there? She might be.... No Nothing Nada. I should have just enjoyed rthe music but instead my head keeps going back to girls. In the end I left without saying hello or breaking the ice at all because that is how pathetic I am. I agonize over this shit and then do nothing because I'm so fucking lame. I then went over to my favorite bar, The Ritz, to have a few less expensive drinks and unwind from the beats. So as I walk all the sugar plumbs are dancing in my head, saying things to me that might be considered promising. Maybe there will be a cute girl who approaches me tonight or I will see that some gal digs me and I can work up the courage to ask her. No Nothing Nada. I see girls who lock eyes with me and all I can do is smile and nod and pass them by. I'm so fucking pathetic. I end up sitting at a table alone until they yell last call. When I proceed to the door and walk home. I really wish that my wild out going personality carried over to other environments besides with my friends. I am alot of fun and great company but I can't say "HI". I just thought I'd take a moment to tell every one how disappointed in myself I am. I can't say 'hi'. How fucking hard is that to do? How fucking lame!