I found out I wasn't working on the same wavelength as the person I was dating, recently. I had figured it out in my head pretty quick but I kept letting it swirl about in my head. I guess that is what spawned the notion for the trip last Sat. I got some things worked out but I wasn't settled. I got told on Tue and that confirmed my gut feeling and turned the rest of the week into Suckville pop. Me. Then on Thurs. morning on the ride to work I had a smile moment. My churning thoughts had produced a moment of happy.
Even if this does suck and you feel like you missed out on something that could have been wonderful...You have to feel this way sometimes. If you don't then you aren't living. The moments of elation and ebbing tides of sad that follow are part of a full life lived. We will all have regrets and could have beens. This was one of mine. I should enjoy the fact that I get to ride the ride instead of living in tedious flat day to day gray.
I wrote my reply back after 2 days of doing this in my head to her.
I'm glad I found this image. It is comprehensive. I felt better afterwards but it doesn't mean I have gotten her dislodged from my head. This weekend didn't fix it but it has helped so far.
This last dating scenario was a far cry from what my usual dating course looked like. Mostly e-mails instead of face to face. Slow pace with trust issues but less physical walls. I was confused and screwed up somewhere. Either way, I move forward. I was able to realize a next step for me. Being rejected by someone I like and not losing my self worth. I hadn't hung my self esteem on this one. I took some time to look at me and get some perspective on what I want right now.
So now I relax on a Sunday morning thinking back on A rockin' Friday nite and a Saturday nite cuddlefest. I'm ok. It sucks that I missed out on something I thought I really wanted but I'll never know and now I need to move on.
Cameron matures just a bit more and he ninjas his heart away for the next attack.
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Now playing: Klaxons - Gravity's Rainbow [Soulwax Remix]
via FoxyTunes
