I had a birthday. I'm 27 now. It would have been anti-climactic but I wasn't expecting a climax.
I'm feeling a disconnection from people I've known for a while. Some are drawing nearer in ways I truly appreciate. I'm sensing flux.
Lease is up in Aug. Dell is offering me another promotion. Friends are moving. Some are to follow. I go out alone more often than not now-a-days. Movies, shows, carnivals. Doesn't seem to matter.
It's time for something.
So I did one thing. I smoked salvia
on my birthday. Oh sure, I had smoked it before. But I hadn't smoked this.
I was somewhere else for 20 minutes but it was only 4-5 minutes. I was having an important conversation. Then I had to leave even though I needed to stay. I was climbing out of a room that was collapsing into a latex tunnel where people were lined up to leave. Some were waiting in my coffee table. I couldn't get up as gravity was pulling me back. I finally started to realize I was in my Apt. I could see generic cartoon latex bubbles instead of real shapes. When I focused with all of my will I could pull the true forms forward out of the bubbles but they would just snap back behind their facades. I crawled over to the rug and sprawled out. I laid there and found myself realizing I needed to go back. I wasn't done with what I started during those lost 20 minutes in the "other place". After sweating it off I couldn't shake the thought that I was needed there. I still have that same feeling. So did Ivan and Travis. We all felt the urge to return to what we had been doing there.
I can't shake the feeling of being buffeted by winds of opaquely colored gravity winds surrounding my senses and making me feel like I was caught in a sand storm of comfort and illusion.
I'm no more illuminated than before flame met salvia but I am more curious about my plane of existence. These experiences are important to me and I need them to realize that I don't see everything. I don't know everything. I can't be sure I'm even functioning in the right reality. Maybe they really do need us back there.
I had hoped to have gone on a new date by now. It's been about a month since my last one, I think. Sarah was nice but not meant for anything longterm. I don't think she expected to be around long, anyway. Girl needed to shave her muff and know to give head without my condom on.
Neither one of those were breaking points. She was a little too nice without any edges.
Watched Short Circuit 2 last nite. That was farrrrr more amusing than I remembered it. Currently watching the first one. God I love dual monitors. Johnny 5 is an admirable character. This film couldn't be made again with the same spirit of robot wonder. Then again, I guess they did with Bicentennial Man.
Screw you for that weepy robot with a dripping heart/vag flick. Johnny 5 is a great character. the reason I like the second one more is they don't take the time to show him developing a personality and they stick him in a diamond heist flick! Wee doggies! At the same time, the whole robotics as the future of our military theme of the first flick was a little prophetic. Yet, DARPA probably was already past the wet dream stage on that one. The simplicity with which people use computers to do such amazingly complicated things just by typing a few lines is humbling. They use Fisher Stevens
as the east Indian character Ben. You know, The Plague from Hackers. Little insulting racially. But. John Wayne did play Genghis Khan. 
Surely I'm not the only one that relishes watching these grade of movies. I saw Harold and Maude
at the Paramount with Travis tonite. Caught a few more nuances. They opened with a Bugs Bunny cartoon.
How astounding to see it on the big screen the way my parents and grandparents did. I do cherish these moments.Dell is offering me a promotion. I'm kinda getting worried that one day they are going to promote me and they are going to discover I've been just getting lucky all along or that I'm not really all that great. Hey, as long as I keep doing the job right and they keep upping my pay, right?
Ok, it's late and Short Circuit is just starting to get good. This means a morning wishing I hadn't stayed up watching this. Gotta capture the Magic when it's here.
Camtron 5 is Alive!
