SXSWi '08 - What I hath learned.

Behold. I return with tales of the interactivity that will be. Web 2.0 and moreness!



Let me first start out by saying I haven't been to a SXSWi before. I scored 2 free day passes for my and Cousin Smokey (aka Rickey) and we thought we would check it out today. We went over there around 3 and figured 3 hours was enough time to spend going through the kiosks, booths, and sundry. It was. Walking around the place I got an immediate feel of a current flowing through the aisles. There was a new shift in focus this year. From what I heard, last year was about the basic web 2.0 emergence. Basing all your productivity software and other programs on the web instead of hosting it on your own system. This year it was about coalating all your web sources into one portal. Your Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, Pownce,and so on. You can blog, message, and send files through one portal. Several folks offered their sites as the new way to do it all on one site. The first guys I met offering this were:

Now I like their interface and the idea is interesting. A site that will update you on flickr posts, facebook, and so forth. Problem is it isn't very interesting to look at. Handy, yes. You can post to any of the sites you've added onto the socialthing! roster and see frequent updates, but this should be up in a corner window of my screen, not a whole site. Better off as a widget for now. Granted this is still in Beta so I'll hope for a more immersive site to be developed. Still very useful for social network collator. if you want in on the beta use this invite code: the cake is a lie

The next note-able booth was:

I loved this concept and plan on using it a few times this year. Blurb is about desktop publishing, in a more literal sense. You download their free software, that has a very light footprint, and you build your book with your own pictures and text. You can do all the layout work and choose what format the book will be. You have them publish the book for you. Order one copy for yourself or 10 to give out as gifts. You can sell your book on their site for whatever cost you want and they will only take out the cost of publishing. They sell it for you and ship it too. I have a few ideas rolling around in my head already.

There was a site I already use:

I made this for the Digg Party:


I think you get that this makes awesome random slideshows to music. Pull your photos from your desktop, your flickr, picasa, whatever... and it will build it for you. You can arrange photos and tell it to feature some more prominently than others. They even give you the code to post it or will post it for you to a frined's myspace comments, Facebook, and the like. Too easy. This is a 30 second example. I plan on having a full one from my SXSW musical adventures up by the end of the week.

Another booth touted the ability to post Text, Pictures, & Video from your cellphone to the web.

Utterz

Simple to use, free as well. I don't see a downside to this service. As soon as I upgrade my phone from the Honk Kong Fooey that it is to a pic and video sending device I will use this a lot. I recommend. It's not in beta, either. Fully ready to rock and roll.

I went downstairs towards the end of the day and found:

These folks were offering a demo of their custom laser engraving. I watched for a bit and decided to get my Samsung P2 engraved. Ricky and I worked on a design while waiting in line. He talked to them about submitting new designs for their catalog. The lady behind us was pushy, antsy, insistent, and rude. All for a free offering. I almost yeled at her for being an old tit bag.
Here is the process of the etching.



And the finished Product:


These folks have only been in business for about a month or so. If you like this visit their site I linked to and ask them for a quote on some work for yourself. When my new Notebook comes in this week I will start figuring out the design. Hot stuff!

We killed some time over at Jackalope and worked on my business card design. We got the front part worked out we are waiting on me to reg a website to host me genius on.

We swung by the Gawker/io9 party but it was too crowded and we could chat with anyone. We ended up at the super secret Blogger party at Club De Ville where we got booze, gloves and stickers. As shown here.


I chatted with a gent from Clearspring, they make widgets, who's name is on a card I don't have on me right now. [Add in later]. We talked about Twitter, and what widgets were doing to change web functionality, as well as cluing him in on some functions of Google he didn't know about. Score one for me!


It was a nice spread of food and it wasn't too crowded.

We left after about 2 hours or so. Rickey had to be at work in the AM and had to get all the way back to Blanco. It was very productive and I walked away with a new purpose.

This was the main reason why I decided on buying a new laptop. I want to continue doing these web things but don't want to be a shut in. So I will be outside more but still as web 2.? as ever.

Feb 29th - March 3rd

A little late but I have a major blog to follow so I gotta get this knocked out.

Started with a average day at work. What followed was brilliant show by Ghostland Observatory.

Thanks to Ultra 8201 for the pic source.

I didn't bring a camera as I thought it would be too packed to take pictures. It was for the most part. The opener was Dr. Jack. I couldn't find any info on him before or after the show. I liked what he spun. Mostly Daft Punk, Justice, MSTRKRFT, and the likes. Nothing that made my head explode into turntable ecstasy but it warmed up the crowd. SDave for the last 5-10 minutes of his set. I don't know if he was stalling for time or if he thought his droning beats were a good close to a varied and lively set. The crowd started booing. It was very much like making a pie feeding it to us and then waving a poo finger under our collective noses at the end. No bueno. No poo finger action next time Dr. Jack. He wore a Doc's mask and was set way back from the front so I fear I shall never know who this mystery man is.

In about 10 minutes or less we had Ghostland ignition. Starting with the opening track from Robotique Majestique. I already had the new cd in the back pocket. The bass was at a real sweet spot and it put the ants in my pants. I went into this show without having allowed myself a listen to any new tracks. It worked well. Heavy Heart struck me hard and set the tone. I had only seen these guys once before at ACL and now they were in complete control of their environment. A laser show that John Woo could have choreographed and smoke to make it easier to see. Every sone worked and the audience ate it up like a deeeelicious custard of musical musicality. I swear, when "The Band Marches on" started I have no idea that they were going to bust out the UT Band.



Thanks to tyculver for the vid.


I didn't need any euphoria inducing drugs to make me feel like I was in a spiritual domain. I saw lights, colors and sounds in those few moments that I can only home to duplicate through illegal complex chemical combinations that will leave me damaged in new ways. I left straight for home afterwards. Legs were tired and I didn't feel like drinking. I actually didn't drink the whole show so I didn't have to break for bodily functions or new adult drinks to slake my thirst. I had something with me to help with the show though.

Sat was bland, if I recall. So, pretend I didn't just mention it.

Sunday was spent trying to get a girl to leave my place after she didn't serve the purpose she came over for. I officially wrote her off my books after that. A little time at Jo's and then it was out to the Drafthouse Ritz for their Howard the Duck showing. Ivan and Matt were a bit let down from what they remembered it as a kid. See what you think from the finale.

I forgot how good the effects and animatronics were for 1986.

Monday was Justice! I was ready for this for a while. It was cold and windy. I was semi- prepped for this but the wind is a bastard bitch that takes no lovers. I took a camera for this one so here are a few pics for your stupid eyes that weren't there. Stupid eyes, I say!


Messy photo...but oddly pretty.


Opener was DJ Mendhi. He spun some lovely things and really got us jazzed without the actual application of Jazz music. He went a bit to House for me a few times but all and all he was on point and tossing some fun stuff down.

I had met up with Rhett from work just before Mendhi came on. We were a group of 5 or 6 and even though we got scattered when Justice came on we still stayed within proximity and regrouped mid show. All the clustering had made it easy to keep warm.

Of course, Justice hit the decks with full force like a man hitting something at full force. Much like that. They spun everything I had already heard but with enough variations that it felt right. Unlike DJ Shadow who will spin his catalog without much variation save for what he will play in what order. I love you Shadow but unless it's a special project like what you rolled through a month or so ago with Cut Chemist, I probably won't go. All 45s on 8 tables was worth it, though.

The final song closed and Justice walked off on and left the bass on. Like a couple in a hurry to catch their tropical flight leaving the iron on. We all stood there trapped by this epic bass on 10-12 Marshalls stacked. Our bodies vibrating and causing some of us to worry we may never be released from this sonic trap. I think this was on an old episode of Star Trek. After 2-3 minutes of vibrating at speeds unknown to the common man Justice strode back out to remind us who our friends were. In a way they have really highjacked Simian's "We are your friends" for their own. The audience chanted the refrain in waves until the bass and yelling made us collapse onto each other.

I recall a second encore but I was too burnt and tired to remember what it was. My body wasn't and it responded to the beats and I just rode it out.

After, Rhett and crew tried to wait for the crowd to pass by but got caught up in an exiting tide of fans. I got turned around and walked backwards for a bit until a kindly soul forcibly faced me the right way. Long walk back to the ride but I need the cool off.

Next blog is about this last weekend. Lots of goodness to share.

SXSW Bands and Others

Holy Titty Jesus! I have gone all electro lately with a side helping of UK bands. Here is a list of the stuff I'm aiming myself at for SXSW. A few are mentioned that aren't on the schedule. Get over it. Tell me anything I'm missing.

Ladytron:


Scanners:


Robots in Disguise: (Those girls from the Mighty Boosh)


SXSW: Canceled

The Whip:


SXSW: http://2008.sxsw.com/music/showcases/band/58128.html

The Duke Spirit:


SXSW: http://2008.sxsw.com/music/showcases/band/62667.html

Crystal Castles:



SXSW: http://2008.sxsw.com/music/showcases/band/65151.html

Boys Noize:


SXSW: http://2008.sxsw.com/music/showcases/band/69415.html

dragonette:


SXSW: http://2008.sxsw.com/music/showcases/band/71693.html

Joanna Newsom:


Late Of The Pier:


Pin Me Down:
No album yet. Myspace page link: http://www.myspace.com/pinmedown


Does It Offend You, Yeah?:


SXSW: http://2008.sxsw.com/music/showcases/band/56082.html

These New Puritans:


SXSW: http://2008.sxsw.com/music/showcases/band/70127.html

Working For a Nuclear Free City:


SXSW: http://2008.sxsw.com/music/showcases/band/70339.html

MSTRKRFT:


SXSW: http://2008.sxsw.com/music/showcases/band/70627.html

Z-Trip:


SXSW: http://2008.sxsw.com/music/showcases/band/73060.html

Yael Naim:


SXSW: http://2008.sxsw.com/music/showcases/band/72963.html

Kate Havnevik:


SXSW: http://2008.sxsw.com/music/showcases/band/70636.html

Black Moth Super Rainbow:


SXSW: http://2008.sxsw.com/music/showcases/band/61565.html

shir khan:


SXSW: http://2008.sxsw.com/music/showcases/band/70074.html

Chromeo:


SXSW: http://2008.sxsw.com/music/showcases/band/72412.html

Murs:


SXSW: http://2008.sxsw.com/music/showcases/band/69694.html

Jesca Hoop:


SXSW: http://2008.sxsw.com/music/showcases/band/69790.html

Freezepop:


SXSW: http://2008.sxsw.com/music/showcases/band/63605.html

The Black Keys:


SXSW: http://2008.sxsw.com/music/showcases/band/69240.html

Saul Williams:


SXSW: http://2008.sxsw.com/music/showcases/band/69238.html

The Toxic Avenger:


SXSW: http://2008.sxsw.com/music/showcases/band/71343.html

Simian Mobile Disco:


SXSW: http://2008.sxsw.com/music/showcases/band/62665.html

Heartsrevolution:


SXSW: http://2008.sxsw.com/music/showcases/band/71624.html

My Bad...Maybe not

So I spent most of this week feeling lost in thought and spaced out. Like this:


I found out I wasn't working on the same wavelength as the person I was dating, recently. I had figured it out in my head pretty quick but I kept letting it swirl about in my head. I guess that is what spawned the notion for the trip last Sat. I got some things worked out but I wasn't settled. I got told on Tue and that confirmed my gut feeling and turned the rest of the week into Suckville pop. Me. Then on Thurs. morning on the ride to work I had a smile moment. My churning thoughts had produced a moment of happy.


Even if this does suck and you feel like you missed out on something that could have been wonderful...You have to feel this way sometimes. If you don't then you aren't living. The moments of elation and ebbing tides of sad that follow are part of a full life lived. We will all have regrets and could have beens. This was one of mine. I should enjoy the fact that I get to ride the ride instead of living in tedious flat day to day gray.

I wrote my reply back after 2 days of doing this in my head to her.



I'm glad I found this image. It is comprehensive. I felt better afterwards but it doesn't mean I have gotten her dislodged from my head. This weekend didn't fix it but it has helped so far.

This last dating scenario was a far cry from what my usual dating course looked like. Mostly e-mails instead of face to face. Slow pace with trust issues but less physical walls. I was confused and screwed up somewhere. Either way, I move forward. I was able to realize a next step for me. Being rejected by someone I like and not losing my self worth. I hadn't hung my self esteem on this one. I took some time to look at me and get some perspective on what I want right now.


So now I relax on a Sunday morning thinking back on A rockin' Friday nite and a Saturday nite cuddlefest. I'm ok. It sucks that I missed out on something I thought I really wanted but I'll never know and now I need to move on.

Cameron matures just a bit more and he ninjas his heart away for the next attack.



----------------
Now playing: Klaxons - Gravity's Rainbow [Soulwax Remix]
via FoxyTunes

What Dreams May Come

Last nite ended well. Went to sleep to defragment my head after a solid 5 hour 5 gram trip. My brain went through some good changes. Now Cameron v11.2.3! I am surprised my last blog made any sense at all. I've never tried to type coherently while tripping. Anyway, I don't really dream that often so that I 'member them. In the case of last nite it was a might bit different. It was all good things. I usually can't fly in my dreams or if I can it's only a foot or two off the ground. On top of than I can never show anyone. Last nite I was much more accomplished at it. It felt great. To focus and lift off the ground without effort and move at will.
People were chasing me but I was too nimble. I don't usually win very often in my dreams. There is usually something wrong; like I can't see well, or I can only fly a foot off the ground with no real speed, or I just can't run that fast.

Before that, something that I haven't been able to approach correctly, for a bit, was comfortable and felt normal. I was happy with how that was working. It was nice to be past the nervous part.

And to top it off, the piece that Sean G. made for me was found in my dream. Sugar Tits

She is still at large.

I did a lot of thinking on my trip, of course. I made a few decisions. Thought about myself and what way I have been allowing my self to receive input from life. Listened to a large amount of digital music and watched my cats freak out on catnip for the first time. Focused on how I connect with people. Ivan made a comment about me "having walls" so I decided to take a walk around them. I'm glad I did. I hadn't talked with myself in a while. I decided it was time to stop distracting myself with TV so much and spend some time developing my network interfacing.

I feel new and like I could pull the moon down to my level. Dreams and mushrooms. It's all in my head.

Pow! Bang Ratta tat! Boom!

So my brain is popping right now. I love the feeling that tripping gives you where you feel this heightened need to connect with everything at once. Like I feel this call of mother nature and technology merging into one siren's song. Begging us to connect our collective-selves into one hot bodied consciousness. I'm doing a through brain cleansing. My inputs and outputs needed a good scrubbin'. I have had a few minor epiphanies that can't be put into words. Those are what made me realize I want to have that connection. The direct link between myself and another that allows wordless transmission of emotion. Thought. The singularity on a micro scale. I think the only hope we have of creating it is to focus on smaller connections first and then grow them. The singularity would have to be a virus, in a sense. Where it multiplies and doesn't just occur with the flick of an on switch. It has to be organic. A seamless blend of heart, mind, and information into one collective thought that carries itself forward. All of this is supposing we had a way to make this connection. The first person that invents the interface that allows a social network to know what you are feeling a the moment it is happening. That is when we make our jump. I want a plug that let's me move past social settings, polite society, and gender roles to basic thought transfer. Why can't I just have it as simple as ones and zeros. I want to be in a thought. Just a pure thought form. Intangible. I want to post this and at the same time know that everything already knows it.

Houston Weddin' Weekend what licked me to death!

So I went to Houston this last weekend for my step-sis' wedding. Brie Booth to Chris Roy. Went over on Sat. Showed up in time for a shower got dressed for the rehersal dinner. It was at

Which had a piggy theme. Lot's of figures that looked like this:
...and they were all just as gay. I didn't get a good shot of the triple set of breasts on the one statue. I think my camera refused to take the picture. I met Chris's side of the family and mingled. A lovely set of hats were given to Brie n' Chris for the Jamaican Honeymoon. and Charlie couldn't resist. I think it worked better than he knew. Saw a kid playing an old PC game called Worms 2

That nite It was back to Brie n' Chris's for a few bowls and some puppy time. They liked my ears. Yay for puppies.

Ok. So that nite I went to sleep at about 11 and woke up at 3am. I laid there for about 30 minutes listening to music and staring at the wall.
Then I got up and walked around. Listened to a Ricky Gervais podcast.

Then I got really bored.

Like really bored.

Yes, I got this bored.

I went back to bed early when the sun was coming up. I went out to the car to get flowers loaded up and spotted this store across the street and refuse to read it any other way. ASS Cleaners! Agree with ME!

The wedding was magical and seeing young people get married and watching the love in their eyes.

I knew that when I made that decision myself it would be life changing. This wedding seemed closer to home than others I have been to.

I realized that I wanted to make "sweet" love with the chocolate fountain.

I wanted to be balls deep in that chocolate flowing love. It was meant to be. I don't have a picture of me doing it because I couldn't figure out the timer in my lustful eagerness.

Afterwards, Mama and I reflected on the mess I created and looked on as the janitorial staff hosed down the area.


We looked good and I hadn't gotten a drop of chocolate on my jacket. Say what you will about me raping chocolate fountains at wedding receptions, at least I look classy after.

I caught the garter twice. Once it was passed to me by an sneaky bastard looking to pass off the wedding sentence. The second time it went straight into my had when I held it there.

Mama helped me prune my beard back to normal after a random growth appeared.

Drove home Mon. morning with little fanfare and a small hangover. Worked 1/2 assed and left when the bell rang. Fun weekend. Did some dancing saw some people who loved each other take the dive. Reflected on my me-ness. It was nice. Except that it was in Fucking Houston! Don't ever do that to me again. Sorry Ivan but Houston can suck my balls till their apple red.

Ch-ch-cherry

I'm slowly getting pulled onto the intertubes. I'm spending more time than I used to. At some point I will be encapsulated by teh internets.



More later.

I have to admit. This picture is truth.




I get inspired by pictures like this.

Maybe there is a woman out there for me. Who's down with how I am. And the fact that I can't leave my suit or I'll die. Someone who accepts my horrible fishy lungs.

Next week is no Procrastination week. Where I hold myself hostage to my brilliant plan not to put anything off for a week. I need it this next week too.



I have been saying "Reality is perception" a lot lately. I need to start thinking it more than saying it. Thinking you're free when it is simply the illusion of freedom.

I think about perception more and more. Time for some mushrooms, again, I guess.

I'm just glad I found someone that won't leave me feeling like this


When I get nerdy.
Thank heavens for nerdy girls! God I love 'em.


You grew up so cute.

Very Nice weekend

So, nice weekend. Anybody else? Got trashed on Friday nite. Recovered and slept on Sat watch a rifftrax of "Reign of Fire" with Matthew McConoughey and Christian Bale. Bunch-o-dragons. Had a weird nite of too much sleep woke up at five a.m. So I lit a bowl and listened to Bat For Lashes, for the 3 time in 24 hours, and surfed for a while. Went to bed at 7 when the sun was coming up. Felt good.

Finally woke up. Noticed I had both cats on my bed and I knew it would be a good day. That's a good omen round these parts. I dazed around the house for a few hours. Realized I was meeting a ravishing young lady for tea around 3 and got my butt in gear. Sat from 3-8 talking about how horrible the world was and how we try to stay happy while overly informed. Talked about sci-fi, heart break, and robot bodies. One of those moments where you wonder how much more you have in common. Very natural to talk to. If it hadn't been for a hungry and getting cold I could have sat there all nite. Been a long time since that kind of comfortable conversationalist came to my town. I'll keep my eye on this one.



So, I leave this evening having watched Blackula for the first time and realized that he was also the King of Cartoons from Pee Wee's Playhouse. See:

"However, In 1987 Marshall, at the prompting of his grandchildren, took the part of the second King of Cartoons on "Pee Wee's Playhouse." The King of Cartoons was an odd entity on the show. Each week he would be introduced by the cab driver and William Marshal would stumble through the door in a crown and blue velvet blazer with a film projector in tow, and in his big baritone voice he would elegantly boom "LET THE CARTOONS.........BEGIN!" Then a minute and a half of an old bizarre cartoon would be shown, and that was the end of the segment. It never really made a ton of sense, but it sealed Marshall in the hearts and memories of a third generation of television viewers. " Bizzare, I know.

What would I choose to summarize my feelings after this weekend? Gordon Shumway, take it away!

Puppy Punishment

So, for most of Friday, my steering wheel was making a strange noise when I was turning. It was the rubber lining making the sound and not some internal mechanical issue. I'm not talking about a strange as in unfamiliar. Oh no. I knew that sound. It sounded like a puppy being hurt when I turned and alternately sad when the wheel came back to poistion. Can you imagin how sad it is to drive hearing that. I felt like I was torturing a puppy everytime I manuvered my vehicle. It wrenched at the heart. The noise isn't there today.

I had a dream last nite that I was fighting demons and playing putt putt. I wasn't using my club to fight them. Nope. I had a katana that was all cyber-punk and spikey. I was doing pretty good at both Putt-Putt and slaying the evil dark forces. It's a nice change. I'm usually ineffective against creatures in my dreams. I must have leveled up in the dream world.

Oh, yeah, um...I have eye beams now. They are kinda deadly.

More music in my Vaginal Ear

A little summary. You may only like one or two but you'll thank me for it.

No summaries. Too many and I don't wanna take the time. Sorry if your intehnet speed is too slow, ass monkey.

Andrew Bird - "Imitosis"


Apparat - You Don't Know Me


black strobe - Me and Madonna


Blonde Redhead - Top Ranking


Boys Noize - & Down


Charlotte Gainsbourg - The Songs That We Sing


Chromeo - Fancy Footwork


ellen allien and apparat - bubbles


Grizzly Bear - Knife


Guillemots - Trains To Brazil


INGRID MICHAELSON - The Way I Am


Lindstrom - The Contemporary Fix


Modeselektor - Dancing Box


moving units - between us and them


The National - Mistaken For Strangers


New Young Pony Club - Tight Fit


The Presets - Are You The One


Sia - Buttons (ut really, only this song)


Stars Of The Lid - An Autumn Sky


Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Rich (no one told me, sorry)


A Fine Frenzy - Almost Lover (i have a vagina)


girl talk - friday night


Hot Chip - Over and Over


Ms John Soda - Hiding/Fading


Stars - Take Me To The Riot

n case you wanted the Movie list I slaved over

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

What I’ve been listening to...

So if anyone cares. Here is a selection of what Max and I have found that cums in our ear pussies!

First, we have The Octopus Project: I saw them last nite and will see them everytime from now on. They are Local!


Then there was the opener, Cue: No videos but here is their site with 4 tracks on it.
http://www.cueaustin.com/mp3s.htm
Then there is Sarah Blasko: Softer Smokey voice with a pop appeal.

Then there is a real cutie, Meiko: How do you not find her adorable and enchanting?

Next, Beirut: This is a guy backed by a various accordions, oboes, ukalales, and sundry. Left high school in Santa Fe with Max and moved to Europe to live with gypsies. Cool kid, I say.

Another instramental band, Battles: an collective of progressive jazz/rock instramentalists. The vocals are odd ans fun.

I don't know much about, Dntel: Abstract noises for beats with guest vocalists.

More female stuff for me to be a vagina about, Feist: Apparently I should have already known about her. Thanks a lot guys.

A little electro/Bass fun with, Justice: warm base and well conceived beats.

Softly it rocks you to sleep, Kwoon: Nice voice and the whole album pulls you along a dreamscape of cloudy love. Nice for the quite sessions.

Love me or Hate me it's, Lady Sovereign: Poppy Hip-Hop done by a short cockney white chic. Too much fun:

I think he uses Fruit Loops, Mojib. Mixing up some crazy songs together.

Crazy soft hearted Icelanders, Mum: They have quirky playful songs that make me smile.

All girls and pleanty of strings, Rasputina: They aren't new but worth mentioning as I just got a lot of new stuff in on them.

Closer to the end is another british lovely, Kate Nash: fun with a little pop but some good production.

Instrumental funk oddety, Black Moth Super Rainbow: Fun and a cute sound board operator.

Old school favorite of mone, Aesop Rock: new album and Jeremy Fish helps with the video!

That's all for now. I'll throw more in later.

Assassassassin!

So. There is a new assassin in my midst. He is stealthy, brutal, and attacks at 5am. He goes by the name Brack Rightening. His real name is Bucky. Adorable? Yes. Misunderstood? No. Sweet when it suits his agenda? Always. I love this new guy and he is giving Jinx a hell of a time. So, if you haven't met this little bastard yet, let me know. He will woo you and then take you down. Ladies and Gentlebeasts...
Bucky!

2 things

Two things that I'm missing right now. Granted, these are not the only things I'm missing but these are what came to mind and I felt like publisizing, dammit!

First, the scent of a woman in a very non-Al Pachino type sence. I'm missing the soft scent of a woman as I hold her to me when I fall asleep. Very much so. I broke up with a girl once partially because I hated her perfume and she liked to pile it on before we met. Sorry, Stephanie, but it's true. You were also a bad lay, but honestly that was the last straw not part of the initial load.

Second thing I'm missing is a blowjob. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean any ol' blowjob. I have made the statement before that I would rather have no blowjob than a bad blowjob and I still stand by my words. I mean a decent to great blowjob. Yes, there is a difference ladies. If you close your eyes make a sour face and bob your head on the end of my penis you are not giving me a blowjob. What you are giving me is frustration. If you don't want to do it. Don't. I may have gone down on you for the last 20 minutes and if that doesn't em-passion you to want to please me back then please don't. I will warn you that if you don't you won't be a long lived lover of mine, though. I want all of you in the bed not a partial giving or a duty to be fullfiled.

While I'm on the subject. Ladies, I do not have sex very frequently now a days, which is my own problem, but when and if I ever have sex again, please last more than 45 minutes. The last few sexual experiences I've had last that long max and I'm left hanging. Honestly, let's try to perpetuate the myth that men come before women. I don't have sex often please make it worth it. Maybe that's why I don't have sex more often. Is it because I know it only lasts for a nite or two and you women can't keep up? 60% of my partners just haven't known what they're doing. Ladies, let's pick up the pace and show your worth the effort.

Yeah, that was more than two things but you read this far now didn't you?

Cammie

can't sleep, things swirl, the start of Tyler(?)

So, I tried to lay down just down just now but no dice. Can't sleep. Which isn't surprising. Lately 4 out of 7 nites I have to put myself down to go to bed. Too much energy. I can't believe I have this sort of issue. I was trying to sleep just now. Things started swirling. I started thinking about Ashley, the last woman to share my bed, and how I ran into her just before a blind date recently. She and I connected for about a week and then I got a brush off. Regardless of the reasons why the main reason is I liked her and when I like 'em they vanish. I was walking out of Dell on Friday and I smelled a scent that was pure Michelle, back when we first started living together. That was so bittersweet. I really miss connecting with someone on a different level that involves intimacy. Granted, I love sex and seem to do rather well at it, but I'm talking about the afterglow. The everything that comes with it. Waking up in bed together, someone who gives you random hugs, grabs my ass in public, argues with me when I'm wrong, makes me want to improve myself to look better in their eyes. It always seems to follow with pain when I find it but at some point it won't and that's where I stop. To quote Fiona Apple on this one, "This is not about love. Cause I am not in love. As a matter of fact I can't keep from falling out. I miss that stupid ache." I love intimacy but shy from the initial stages due to fear of rejection. I wish I was more confident but most of my friends will attest that I am far better than when they first met me. I'm a late bloomer, like my pal Charlie says. I keep thinking about Ashley and how much we clicked and how sweet things seemed for that week. I want that back but I fall flat on my face every direction I turn. I get propositioned by those I'm uninterested in. I say I want to get "Laid" but I don't want a one nite thing. I'm looking for a steady that can make me feel that stupid ache, again. I'm getting ready to make some big bucks a Dell, I'm getting a new car, I love my Apt, but in the end the only thing that really makes me feel whole is that human connection. Because I'm co-dependant at heart and nothing will ever change that about me. I can camouflage it with anime, movies, graphic novels, alcohol, and weed. But... in the end I still just want someone to hold me and tell me I'm worth it. Sad or not. That is what is sitting at the bottom of Cameron, folks. Happy, bitter, excited, pensive, argumentative...It all boils down to : Cameron is waiting for someone. and waiting . . .