My pants!!! Dear God MY Pants!!!!

So I am feeling a bit like a loser right now. Some of my friends have dropped off the face of the earth and I don't know why, I dropped a class and now have to shell out 300 bucks for a distance learning course, I am starting to feel like the ladies don't want me anymore, I broke sky's heart(or whatever it is she has in there(a weather vane)), and I can't keep my house clean no matter how hard I try. I feel like I'm back sliding on the slip-n'-slide of life. I don't want this depression again but I need to pick myself up and go do some job interviews today. If I can secure a job then at least I'll feel worth something. You know what? That's exactly what it is. I feel worthless to everyone right now and I really just want to feel needed. I will probably shove a Barry Manalowe Record into my head as punishment for being so lame. Wow. I really suck and I can't get used to it.

ship shape like Titanica

Current mood: content
The first night of anime went over well and I have hooked everyone on to it now. Naruto is officially a hit! I am drinking too much every night and I just found out that my bitches are moving to Canida without even telling me about it. I am treding water at school just barely but I think I can juggle it. I am coughing up a lung every so often cuz I am sick right now. Some news of interest, Hope the OM of Amy's Ice Creams wants me back but my year away from Amy's isn't over yet. I would go back there in a heart beat. I am on a kick where I like to sing the chorus of "private dancer" to Max at work in the 'Tina' voice but I don't think I see anything too wrong with that. I put up new pictures which should excite exactly no one but me and my monkey. Until the next time people, "I'm dancing like a monkey! Monkey Dance!"

Heroin is on the menu

I am rather happy to announce that I will be starting up anime nite again either this monday or the next depending upon the participant's schedule. Macy is out and so too might be Alex but we shall see. This makes room for Travis and Candice who I completely neglected on my list due to pot-headery. Travis is one of the OGs and his girl dressed up like Faye Valentine for Halloween. That qualifies her and travis was no question. Those were the only two people I had on a waiting list though. It was a list so secret I think it's safe to say I forgot. If anyone else drops out I believe it would be fortuitous for us as a smaller group then the necessary ten is preferred. To all those who wished to be part I apologize but I have to keep a strict line drawn, so much so that anyone who gets a ride to my place can't have their ride stay, eek. This nite is a commitment to becoming a family like no other before. We stop when the first person leaves and if you don't show up for a night we won't wait till next week. This is all due to my fore-sight and will become apparent later. Boy I sound self-important but I have to make sure anime Monday doesn't get out of hand like it did last time. In short, it is a club not a social hour as most treated it before. I love you all but there can be only a chosen few due to apt. space and overt possibilities of distraction. I have 29 hours of this shit and it makes me hard just thinking about it.

Like a phoenix with hot sauce

So I think I'm going to start up anime nite again depending on two things. 1: If the anime series I just ordered in has good subtitles. 2: I have to keep the number of people at my house at 10. This is the difficult part as I don't want to exclude any friends but there are those who came to the nites before and never really paid that much attention to the anime. I have a working list but 2-3 of them are tentative in my head. I have to cut people out who aren't old school automatically, so I can't really invite new friends to the night. At the same time there are three people who have inspired me to start up the anime night again. Annuh, Lyn-C, and Max-tastic. These three, should they wish to join are the only new additions. I fanny bail out then I can add new folk. My list stands like this:Evan Macy Cameron Travis Max Lyns Annuh Sean Alex Skyx x x xI would invite Ivan but he has no car to get back and forth and the same might be true for sky. Alex has a new guy that she hangs with in San Marcos while in school and I don't know that she will want to make the drive on a Mon. nite. I will have to call these people and check. I do anticipate at least one-two drop outs out of the ten I should think. Oh well. I think I'll place it on Mondays and lay out the official rules for the nite before it starts. No one knew how anime night used to be so when all the new people joined it became really unorganized. I wish my place was big enough for more than 10 and that if I did have more than 10 they would all shut up and pay attention but hey What can I do. This probably won't come to pass for at least a week so this could not end up happening.

it's like heroin but better!

Man oh man... in less than two weeks I have watched 50 episodes of this anime series. I can't stop and the only reason I have right now is because I don't get the next 50 till this weekend. Hurry Ricky Hurry!!! If you want to know the name..... "Naruto". Like Dragon Ball Z but about 3x as fast and far more intelligent. It draws you in slowly and then by episode 7 or 8 you are interested. Ahhhhh! When it has you there you are a goner. Like a drug that feels pretty good and every time you go back it is better. You could quit, I mean it's a long series, do you really want to get into it? Well a few more episodes to see if it gets better like it already has been. Ooo that was cool. Woah! Awesome! Oh my Fucking God Did that Just Happen! these are the levels leading up to episode 17 or 18. After that you are on your way to selling your personal articles and bed simply for another episode. I am a Naruto disciple. Heed my words...."This anime is big"!

3-2-1 abstract

Man I had 3 1/2 hours o sleep last night did a 3000 word project, another 2 page paper got up went to class, posted my project on line, going to another class, going to work @ 5-11:30, then home to write another 2 page paper on a book that I'm trying to finish after this blog, then get up go to class at nine Friday turn in paper, finish classes @ eleven, go home and nap till three when I have to go to work and then come home to a coma waiting to happen. Send me some well wishes people cause I work again sunday and then I have a test monday. Damn this sucks. Let me feel some good karma comin' my way and it'll come back to ya I swear.Oh yeah, and if anyone can offer a good rubbing for my shoulders then I would probably melt into puddin' and gurrrgle a bit. Thanks.

ahhhh women still suck!

So I have had a few friends say, "Don't worrry. They're not all that way." or ,"Hey, We're not all like that!" Guess what? I know, but I don't meet those girls...I meet the others. The ones who know you have been betrayed in the past and say what a nice guy you are and you should learn to trust people again. They open up to you and you feel like you could trust people again. And then they lie to you and you realize that it just doesn't stop. Women don't stop being deceptive with you they only cycle in a new deceiver. Man, if one more female tells me I should just let go of the past and start trusting again then I'm gonna e'splode! It is like dangling a treat in front of a dog and smacking his nose right after he bites it. If you do that over and over again...say three four times...the dog won't go for it. Pavlovian response, am I right? I can't take another innocent face lying to me or another accusation of infidelity. I get these too fucking often for not doing either one. I might just start lying and fucking around so as to even the playing field or at least earn the treatment I keep getting heaped on to me. If I didn't have this horrible cycle of complete adoration of women then I would stop the self afflicted abuse. I love the treat that they dangle in front of me, no matter how hard they smack my nose. God, I'm so pathetic. Now I have to get this one girl out of my dreams before it drives me mad, but it already has.

Well my pancreas is still intact

I am very glad to see that my weekend with my parents went extremely well and I am not in a downward spiral of pain and misery that shall last me for merely an eternity. As a matter of fact My outlook on things is pretty good aside from the fact that I'm gonna have to work my ass off to finish my last semester at UT. I hope this growth on my right arm stops trying to convince me that we are siamese twins and just let me stick a wart pad on him. He keeps smoking my weed when I'm asleep and that's a big no no. My fridge is stocked and that is good except for the fact that it is all so full that I want to cry and gorge myself on taquitos now that I have the keys to the food kingdom. I really think I am going to be more proactive in seeking out dating people or should I say females? I don't know. Either way, The new BJork album "Medulla" is amazing in a way I haven't experienced in a while. Check it.
Late,
C-Note

this one sticks

So I am settling into the swing of school hopefully as soon as I get all my books. My car was broken and is now partially fixed $400 down $1100 to go before my car is good again. Damn! Anyway, pops and kelly are coming into town this weekend and that can be good but I have to tip toe around alot of stuff to avoid a break down between dad and I. I feel an epiphany coming on soon and I hope it's a good one. I am at a point where I need to finish getting my shit together physically and emotionally and I have some help with that now. I realized that even though I thought I was better and over the whole Armageddon of my life that happened 2 years ago, I have been hiding from myself behind the beer and the weed. I still am not comfortable with myself nor do I like myself all that much, still. I need to feel worthy of myself before I commit to anyone else. So my old slogan is coming back into play. "I'm picking up where I never should have left off." I am kinda excited about how all this is gonna turn out. Right now I just need to organize and not self-medicate so much. Michelle, if you read these at all...thanks for ruining my life 2 years ago because...,"It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything." Tyler’s words coming out of my mouth...and I used to be such a nice guy.

It's blog. it's blog, it's big, it's heavy, I've got wood.

So I really don't know if I passed my ASL 2 class and that could really fuck things up for me. I need a C to go forward with my ASL and graduate on time. Man, I really need to dicking around with school and finish up strong but I'll be damned if it doesn't already feel like it's over. I haven't been sleeping as much as I should and I'll blame that on me and one other person but this has increased my napping time and decreased my productive time. Oh well, I dressed up all sexy in my suit to drop off resumes and applications at the Capitol yesterday. I really feel nervous around business people. They seem so fake or grown up high school kid for me. They all have bland senses of humor too for all I can see. I make generalizations because I can. If you can't tell, I have been sawing off my left arm while writing this and I hope that you find the quality of my writing improved with the loss of an appendage. If you want to watch kung fu then you should come by my place any time after mid-night. That's when I watch it now-a-days. I find myself always to the left of where I thought I was. Strange, that.Oh yeah, and Sister Mary Jane just keeps gettin' cooler and cooler. I think she's keen

Take it out of the box 1st!

So I bought one of those tongue Joy things and I can't wait to try it out but I'm on a circling pattern for the standard days out of the month. I really am drinking way too much lately as well as smoking too. Yay me! I have become the lush I've always dreamed of. I'm well sexed right now and feeling rather chipper about life's prospects. Now if only I could get this Ferret out of my right eye socket, as he is causing a disturbance in the force. I think I may need a tazer for this.

I never wrote this, trust me.

So for all of you wondering I'm back and better than ever. My batteries just got charged last night and I'm ready to take on the world. I don't know what the last 24 hours has meant to me yet but I'll tell you one thing, I love da punani. Mez well rested hafta a nice night wit me julie. If anything I can hope that this provides the motivation I've been waiting for to get my shit together. Strange that I need someone else around to make me realize I need to do that but whatevuh. ROllerderby was awesome and my brownies kicked ass! Holy Rollers are the best team out there. Bar none. I will soon be fighting my former friend Ivan to the death for Mary Jane's honor (as well as other things). I'm shaken and confused and happy. Awesome like a hot dog!

Can I get a new hip?

I'm doing good here in Austin, and if all goes well I'll have a steady normal job as soon as I'm done with UT. I'm going to Vegas in December! I have one more semester at UT. I'll get paid 30,000 a year. I'm gonna be a pimp I should think. Now if only I could get these little purple things out of my head. I know they're there and they won't stop playing teatherball with my childhood memories. Not only that but they constantly blast this Venga Boys song in my head. You know the one about the bus coming. That song should have never been made. I need to get a fumigator up in there so I can sleep better at night. Any suggestions. Tepidation, maybe? My wrist hurts too and strangely enough it isn't from masturbation. I need a new wrist more than a new hip but I'll take both if you're offering.P.S. I really want someone to get on me about getting my movie list together. If someone would just give me a push or coordinate with me it would be boss. Meh.

Step to you, Honda.

I'm tired of hearing my car click every time I turn the wheel too far. I'm gonna kick my car's ass or fix it. Whatever comes first. I had a date the other night and I achieved the goal of not looking like a complete jack ass. Who'd of thought? She called me and asked about this saturday...I said yes. Rock! I need to drop a class and soon. I missed the only paper we have due in this class due to me never checking a syllabus. Isn't it the professor's job to keep us up to date on something he has already given us in writing at the beginning of the semester? Right, I fucked up. Anyways, after that is done with I need to save up some cash to go to the titty bar with Cunt and Douche. I want to clean up my apt. now that the rain has stopped. I really want the weekend to come so that I can't be held responsible for some things till monday. I'm really a huge slacker now instead of a procrastinator. I am so almost done with school I should really get my act together. But I won't. I really want to start working at the capitol and leave Zen because I am done with food service in my head. Space Dog just ditched Pound and now she has done a bit a talking to me so I think I can Handle the "STEVE" now. He is a very emotionally weak man and can't keep a friend for more than a year. I like to hear these things. I was doing cloud nine until I realized I have to drop a class, other than that I think that everything will be fine if I can clean up the apt. and get my school organized within the next week. That is all my little flaming monkeys of desire. I shall talk to you of my banal life again soon. Tah

Cam the Shrimper.